when grades were the truest things those around me could comprehend, i remember many of the times i always came in last, it never really got to me as consequential but it did make me see how much they cared about it, how i was treated as a result, the laughs, the seat number i had in my first day of js2 we had these seats that would be numbered as rows, or matrices whatever. a1, in a small class, i forget the order, but i was coincidentally sat or placed in f9 that day, what did f9 mean to me? a seat number, but i was instantly told it was failure, like the worst grade f9, the teacher would laugh, the class would laugh along, i wasn’t too bothered but i took note, this being one of the early days in my teenage life did spark a continuous downward trend in my grades, all the way up to university where my first semester grade of 100L was a weighed 1.5/5.0gpa. i had to rewrite many of the exams, i was told i would have to go back to secondary school, “to learn the basics” , which i did for a summer, i didn’t pick up much, it was something i had to do when grades were the truest things they could comprehend, grades, social status, behaviors, trying to impress or be loud , being a joker or a “ladies man”, in all of this, the future, the reality only i wanted and could comprehend as true remains through all of that; my desires await only me as long as i have air in these lungs; therefore who else can tell me what is truly what? besides the forces that truly govern me.